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Attachment to Broken Men: The bad boy
but these moments with him opened my eyes to my own behavior changes and traumas. He showed me how deep the forced teaching I received on how to be a “good girl” ran. The bad boy gave me the first real glimpse I would have a life-long problem I would have.
Worthy
I can sit here and beg you to love me. I can beg for you to give me a fraction of the love you give even your own phone. But it is useless. My only value comes from accomplishments you can steal from me. I was not worthy as a child and I know I will never be.
Attachment to Broken Men: Struggling to Survive.
I was hoping that maybe posting it somewhere makes the burning desire to scream it at the top of my lungs dissipate. I had mentioned before that I was engaged. Engaged to a man who, at the time, I believed was the best I could do. The absolute best. To me, he was everything I needed. Every time we fought, I “knew” it was because of me. I “knew” that…
Opening The Can
I start and stop. Start and stop. Write then quit. Draft after draft. 100 words are written, and 100 words are deleted. How much more until I just give up. I have so much I want to say but just as much doubt, hatred, and exhaustion. Doubt in my abilities to share my thoughts. Hatred of myself. I am exhausted from the daily reminders that I can never be all…
A Golden Boy or Desperation to be Wanted?
Since my last post, so much has changed once again. I debated writing after the breakup and explaining it. However, I don’t think it would have fully encompassed everything I have learned about myself and what I think I need. Let me explain. My golden boy was someone who made me feel the same way my first real love made me feel, and I clung to that feeling. I felt…
Attachment to Broken Men: The Golden Boy
Attachment to Broken Men is a series I started where I dive into the men from my past, and I analyze how they have affected and shaped who I am today. This will be the third instalment but not the last. Overall, The Golden Boy is different. At the time that I am writing this, we are still together, and instead of doing a deep dive into the entire relationship…
Drowning in my own ambitions
Stay busy. Write. Read. Play video games. Date. Hang out with friends. Be the world’s best cat mom. Study to be a better nurse. Study to learn more. Study to feel like you are smart and that you belong. Strive for better. Be better. Just be better. I have spent the last four years striving for one thing. Emergency Room Nursing. In the last few months, not only have I…
I am not okay
**The first paragraph has a few hyperlinks. These are only if you are interested in other blog postings that relate to the sentence I wrote, where the link is located.** I haven’t written for the blog in over two months. That doesn’t mean that I don’t spend every single day thinking about this blog. I want to write, I just don’t have the energy. I don’t have the motivation. I…
Birthdays
Year after year, I hear people complaining about birthdays. They don’t want to make a big deal out of it. They don’t care. They don’t understand why people waste money and time on a day that “doesn’t” matter. Personally, I don’t understand this narrative. For me, birthday matters. Birthdays are a celebration. It is a celebration that you have made it another year. That you are now starting a new…
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